I CAN MOONWALK!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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