I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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