well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
