We got so high we made milksteak
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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