Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
