Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
