we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
