I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
