I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize