True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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