We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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