shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
