You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
