like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the day after is always just damage control
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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