So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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