Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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