What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
