It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
