I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
