i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
