Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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