weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
