What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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