WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize