just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
