the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize