Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
