This is not my ceiling
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize