I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
