i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
