Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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