i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
