We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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