Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
