i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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