Already got asked if we're dating
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
