He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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