I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
