Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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