Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
