everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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