Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
