beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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