remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize