So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
