Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
