It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
