How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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