Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
