Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
