i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
