i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
