Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
