i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
