Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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