The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
