I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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