kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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