How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
