Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
