im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
