our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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