We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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