There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
