i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
