Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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