I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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