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He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my liver is dry heaving
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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