Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
