I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
